Life mask

As I sit here today, my legs curled up underneath my body, cross-legged and snuggled into my couch, I am thought full of how these last few weeks have played out. I sit here in silence. It has been a whirlwind since being back from my trip. For many reasons, but I will start first with the one that is affecting my daily life. This trip was a journey that has changed my life, opened my eyes to the cruelty of the world and the difference between so many people’s realities, their worlds. Getting to see others for who they are what they go through, and ultimately seeing how much more is out there and seeing that it is not that far away. That element of my trip has been overwhelming enough in itself. It has weighed on me daily, overcame me at times. The guilt that is hard to escape when you see the amount that you have when others have so little. The way you see how we all take it for granted, throw away food, buy five dollar drinks at Starbucks daily or just plainly invest far too much effort into material items and things of this earth. We have so much and need none of it. We invest our time and energy in things that will never matter. I took a phone call at work yesterday. The lady was irate because my barista gave her a fork with her oatmeal through the drive through. Also beyond mad because instead of brown sugar she received dried fruit… It was all I could do to even attempt to comprehend where she could possibly be coming from. I literally had to step outside of myself to deescalate her, be the manager you’re supposed to be. Really? How many of the starving kids I saw this last month would be joyful over a crumb, thankful to have utensils at all. Our world is backwards. Ten thousand more words to say on this… but the heart of the matter is that working in an industry of indulgence has been a test since being back.


The last few weeks I have had a lot going on. I have decided to step down with a company I have been trying to climb the latter with since I was hired years ago. I feel strongly that I fit with Starbucks, I am a people person in every way and enjoy making a difference in people’s days, yet it is relieving to be free of the expectation that I need to be ready to take on the next role at this moment. I am excited to move next month. Move on to a new city and meet new people and see new things. I have old relationships resurfacing, yet fresh and new adventures I get to take on. Next Saturday I will be on a plane to D.C to drive back across the country and see all the beautiful land. I will share my life for seven days with a person that for some reason, for this moment, has me a bit intrigued and wondering what he can actually give this time around. All this has added to the whirlwind of my life. I am a yes person, I want to see it all and take it all in, but I have been thinking yesterday and today… so when is the breaking point? I mean I know we all have one and how extreme do you have to get before that point is abundantly clear.


Then today, as I sat here in silence, I thought of this analogy and it is perfect. When you are on a plane and the attendant is giving the emergency instructions she clearly says that in the case of an emergency the air masks will be released. In this case put on your mask first so as you can assist others with theirs…. Ah... How true is it that. We have to take care of ourselves, let God take control of our lives and let him lead us in order for us to be healthy enough to help others or give to them what they will deserve. These last few weeks I have been making changes in my life, worried about how they will affect others. At work I have tried to make the least amount of disruption in others lives that I can, not wanting to hurt anyone along the way. At home I have thought daily about my decisions I am making with the people that have my heart. I know what I want and what I deserve and am learning that although I have prided myself in the past that I love with my whole heart, I will fight for my heart from now on. I will see people, see their hearts, and see if their actions express what their hearts are telling them to do. I will take care of myself first so my heart and life is there in tact when I need to give. If we all have our masks on and we are all working on our spirits that love, then we will succeed if there is an accident.


I read today a comment that a friend wrote on my blog a while back. She wrote “Even in the short time that I've known you, the changes you've made in your life are evident, and to be honest, they make me feel brave enough to make those kinds of changes for myself, you are inspiring!”…. wow. For some reason that comment really affected me today, it hit home. I think this may be partly due to the fact that I feel the changes that any of us make, the risks we take with our life and our heart, are at times hard to do yet completely worth it in the end. If we continue to put our life masks on first, take care of our hearts and our souls, we can assist others and make a positive impact on their lives as well as our own.