True Love Exists

This blog was written on March 7th, 2014 exactly 6 months after our perfect wedding day. A week and a half later, on March 18th, 2014, my beautiful and charismatic husband died while kayaking on the Colorado River. I am forever changed. Part of my heart died that day and part of his heart is still wrapped so tightly with mine that I don't know where one ends and the other begins. Through finding Curt and then ultimately losing him, I have no doubt that True Love Exists. He taught me how to love with a love that is more than love. I love you equal, I love you to the moon, I will love you for eternity. 

On our half year anniversary I feel led to share my feelings on finding my one true thing. I never knew or fathomed that God had someone for me that would truly amaze me in a humble, unassuming way. Amaze me continuously while only getting better with time, and better with our life that we are creating. A life that is somehow, so perfectly, perfect. I don’t mean perfect in a way that implies that we don’t have our share of problems or sadness. But perfect in a way that can only be expressed as perfect with an acceptance of the flaws. This kind of perfect teaches me that these moments are all I have. They are so perfect that there is no way they could be anything less than God’s perfect timing.

Recently my husband has, once again, shown me what it means to love each other unconditionally. Love each other without any limit or any influence from the outside world. My husband will go to bat for me, protect me, honor me, adore me, and raise me above all other on this earth. That is intense. That is love. That is my husband. When we married, we did so with the idea that two become one and with the idea that we will put each other first. We told each other that we would do this by hurting when the other hurts, and if the other hurts, we would do all we could to make it all better. That, of course, can’t always happen. We can’t always protect each other from the hate and hurt of the world. But we can try. Try with all our might. And that’s what we do. Which is what led me to write this all down. Because I feel that it’s worth sharing. The idea that true love exists.  

Curt is a hard worker, he will work day and night to provide for his family. He is willing to do things that he may not like but he is so committed to making this life happen that he will do it without thought. He can lead us in prayer, sew my clothes that need mending, cook me an awesome veggie meal, and clean the house to a shine. He can do all of these things while brewing a batch of Beer and Kombucha, and while making it look easy to go out and kayak a gnarly class 5 section of river. He has skills. He communicates and encourages me to do so. He may think the same about me, but I assure you his skills in this department keep us communicating when I shut down. He leads me.

True love exists. It is quiet and unassuming. It is leadership and communication. True love is having so much respect for the other person that it shows every single time you interact. Happy six months baby, here's looking to 6 months times infinity.