The Meaning of Earthly Birthdays

'It’s your Birthday, my love, and you would be 32 years old on this earth. As I sit here reflecting on your life, I wonder what it is like for you in Heaven. If the same earthly things matter as they do here, celebrating another year of life, or is it so much bigger than that of which our feeble minds can understand. Well, for now, I would like to think that you are kayaking the best river of your life. You are smiling that big old grin and styling every rapid as your heart sings and worships. I smile to think of you, my love, doing just what you love and thinking of us as you do it. I will be thinking of you too, and I will be celebrating your beautiful life from afar.'

When I think of another year without Curt by my side I literally cannot catch my breath. The idea of growing older on this earth now seems daunting. When you lose someone that you, at one time, truly believed you couldn’t live without, this life suddenly feels really long. Why do I have to continue on, celebrate another year, and he gets to move forward and on to the next journey? Why, why, why, this tiny word has encompassed my life over the last year.

So, I reflect on our earthly Birthdays. What does it mean that we are being granted the opportunity to move into another year on this earth? I’ve wondered over the last year if part of the reason Curt was able to move on was because he already figured it out.. and, if that is the case, what did he figure out? What is our individual purposes while we are here, how can we fully understand that we have a purpose, and ultimately, how can we fulfill this purpose in a way that honors God, for I know it is His story, not ours.

The last few weeks I have been practicing a discipline of reflective prayer. Starting with being still, being quiet, and attempting to fully embrace the silence around me. I am finding that we cannot grow in our faith, in our understanding of why we are here, if we do not regularly practice times of solitude. This life is full of feelings and stimulations that come in so many forms, we often don’t know how to run away from them. Evil comes in all forms and I feel that one of these ways is through its ability to distract us from what really matters, what this life is all about, growing closer to the person God created us to be.

After these times of silence I then move on to gratitude. Over this last year I felt such deep gratitude flowing from my heart. Thankful for the provisions I have, even in the midst of the storm. When I look around at the sin in this world, when I literally take a stroll through my streets of Portland, I see sadness surrounding me. I know that I am blessed with things that I do not deserve and I know that I must be thankful for this before I can move to asking for guidance of what it is I am called to do here during another year on this earth.

Finally, I cry out for help deciphering what this is all about. What do I do while I am here? For, I believe, if we want knowledge we must attempt to seek it. This is not a question we can ponder and expect an answer to without taking an action. I believe our purpose won’t just appear in front of us if we do not actively seek this understanding. It first takes us having a desire and then it takes us seeking the answer, actively seeking.

God puts this desire of knowledge and understanding of what our individual purpose is into our hearts, not us. With this, I believe that God does not give us the power of desire without also giving us the power to decipher it, and ultimately the power to follow our paths.

So, as we celebrate birthdays here on this earth, we have the ability to seek what our purpose is because God has given us more time. We have the ability to ponder and grow and live today as if it literally is the day we will take our last breath. Are we fulfilling our part of the story? If we are asking ourselves this, it is because God put the desire there to be pondered. We are here to change something, ever so slightly, and to seek just how to do so daily. We can seek the answers through action. Action comes through quiet times of solitude and prayer, and also times of reading books of knowledge, and action comes from discussing with other people you trust ways that you can move forward on your path to fulfilling that longing inside of you.

John 15:16 “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.”

I love you for eternity, Curtis Van Alen Joyce, and I will continue to figure out my purpose until we meet again. Happy Birthday in Heaven.