Cut my chest wide open

Cut my chest wide open… As I was running the other day, listening to these words of the Avett brothers, I thought about how they remind me of my writing. I first thought how enamored I am with words and thoughts, feelings and emotions of our humanity. I then thought how when I write I literally feel my chest is being cut wide open. It’s as if I can feel myself being surrendered to transparency. I do this with a specific goal, to reach deep in my heart, find the words that I feel completely describe what my heart is feeling and make the paper feel my tears or my joy, my hurt or my pleasure. When the words come out, my hope is they become alive, a song with the lyrics becoming a part of you.

I was thinking about this, about how I have to let go of all barriers, all protective layers of my heart for me to completely open up and let others in. All in hopes that it will help another, open their minds and hearts to new ideas or feelings that are already inside of them, waiting to be let out. I have realized with this opening and ultimately pouring out of my feelings and heart, that it has its own potential for desolation if you will.



Last week I had a bit of a meltdown. Less dramatic than it sounds, but a bit of a contemplative and somewhat meditative state that had me feeling down. I took some time to analyze what it was that was bothering me. As I was writing last week, I realized that I was trying to relate to and fully feel what it was I was writing about. Doing this had me thinking of old loves, old hopes or dreams, times that I have had or seen others go through. All this so I could fully relate to and have a point of reference, searching my mind for lost and hidden emotions… It was then that I realized when I write, I run the risk of mixing old wounds with new loves in order to convey truth. I recognized then that I have to be strong enough to know the difference.


I think that there are times that I dive so deep into emotions and feelings from the past in order to relate to what others may be feeling that I run the risk of letting my mind wander to far, mixing fake with what is standing in front of me. As I ponder this again today, I think that with any artistic expression I feel you have to able to see life through experiences that you have had or have seen others go through. You have to dive into emotions that honestly may not be a healthy place to be. Be able to see the good and the not so good and be able to speak to both. Be able to relate to completely different types of people, see where they are and what they may be feeling.

I feel we all at times have been broken, need help getting fixed. Our hearts or our souls need words of inspiration and words that you can relate to. Words that make you feel normal when the world seems to make no sense. We all at times feel a little crazy; need someone to tell us that we are all the same in humanity. We all have hopes and wants that don’t always align with what we need. My hope is to forever let my chest be cut open. Let my heart remain unlocked to old feelings that can be of inspiration to others in there time, and also have peace knowing that my heart is in the moment of now.