Take my world apart

I was introduced to a song a few months ago called Worlds Apart by Jars of Clay. I remember when I first sat down to listen to it that night; I analyzed the words and let them sink in. I was trying to process how I could relate to their meanings. I listened once, and then had to pull up the lyrics and let my eyes search the words for all their significance and all their emotions. With every word I felt they were speaking to me, pushing me along with a force. The chorus to me says it all; they are a cry for help and an answer all in one. “Take my world apart; I am on my knees… take my world apart, broken on my knees.” For me letting my world be taken apart was the filler that I longed for and the key to the beginning. For some reason that song has often came to my mind these last couple of weeks in Africa. I feel God has used those words to remind me to let him take my world apart, trust that when he puts it back together it will be exactly as it should be.

Many times in our life our pride, the pride of the world, keeps us selfish and determined to take the reins of what we believe will make us happy. We map out how our life should go, how we want things to turn out. Along the way we decide what we like, what we don’t. We decide what makes us happy, make choices dependant on that happiness. We see others lives, we face doubt then change course completely on what we feel will make us happy. We search for fulfillment from a hobby or a sport, a job or a career. We make choices along the way that affect so many people, and as much as we don’t want to hurt others through our choices, we at times end up letting ourselves do this. We hold on for too long to something that is not right, hoping it will fix itself, and in turn sometimes prolonging the inevitable and hurting many along the way. The flip to that is we let go too quickly, not fight for something we should have. In the song it starts by saying “I am the only one to blame for this; somehow it all ends up the same. Soaring on the wings of selfish pride I flew to high” I think we have all been there. At the end of my marriage, I thought about all the choices that I had made during our time together, and how we both had been selfish in all the decisions made. I remember just wanting to slip away, sneak away so no more tears were shed and no one else was hurt.

As we were visiting last night, sharing our stories and thoughts, we got on the subject of dying to ourselves. We talked about how what we want in this life and what makes us happy is not all that matters. We all have dreams and goals and are constantly inspired to try something new or go a different direction. We are constantly searching for what makes us happy. I thought yet again of a line in the song that says “Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart.” I realized that it is not always about what we think will make us happy, what I need in this world may not be what I believe I need in this world and it is not all that matters. If we are never happy or satisfied with what we have then there is a quandary as to why that is.Our Gods will and plan is what we need, what will prosper, and that is ultimately what is essential to our happiness. As I say this, I also know this to be true… I believe that our God wants us to have goals and dreams and a life that will make us happy. I believe he wants us to have a healthy ideal of what our life should look like and he doesn't want us to not hold hope for true happiness because we are dying to ourself and drawing back from selfish pride. Ultimately I have come to know this… if we are always fighting for constant change, a new reason to be happy; we should stop and ask ourselves why that is. We are better off letting go of our selfishness, of what we think our world should look like, and letting our world be taken apart.