Can you feel my heart?

Do you believe that if you think about someone hard enough; think about their heart and their soul, their eyes and their hands, just maybe you can make them feel you. Make them feel your thoughts as if you are standing there looking into their eyes and feel your touch as if you are right there holding their hand. I feel like our hearts are powerful forces therefore I can’t help but wonder if my whole heart and soul is thinking about another person, how could they not feel it no matter where they are.

There have been so many times in my life when I long for someone that is not with me. Times when I miss someone or just can’t get them out of my head, times when our pure humanity overwhelms my mind and I feel that if I am quiet long enough I can make them feel what I feel.



We are all unique yet exactly the same in our hearts. I hear stories of heart break and loss, these stories are of people who have lost their true loves to forces of this world, or lost the ones they love through forces unknown to us. Loss and gain in this life continues to drive our minds and our hearts, overtaking our spirits at times, driving us towards never-ending thoughts and powerful realizations. Countless hours spent in meditation of sorts, countless hours worth of thoughts being sent out into this world, how can they not be felt?

Whether you miss someone because they are far away yet still planted on our soil, or you miss someone who is not with us anymore but with our maker, or you miss someone that has changed and grown and moved on in this world, I believe our hearts tend to ache the same. Anytime you are longing for a person that is not in your arms, the bleeding feels the same to you.



So the question remains the same and the answer has to be yes. If we close our eyes and think about their touch and their words, think of the moments shared that are only real to the people that were in those moments, close our eyes and send our heart to theirs, they will feel it. They have to feel it; this is what makes it easier for the one that is aching.

It is then, after you send those thoughts out into the world, after you gave those thoughts your time and your energy that you have to let them go. The thoughts that are taking up your time, this precious time that you are given, have to be released while resting assured that you will not forget them. Your moment that you are in now is your time to make new memories, while storing the others deep in your heart. Releasing the never ending thoughts gives you the power to grow; keeping them in is hindering the process.

Light in this world

Figuring out what you are intended to leave behind, seems to me to be the same thing as figuring out what you are supposed to do with your life. For what greater thing is there than to be a light and a voice of motivation when you are here, and when you are gone to be a memory that lights another’s path and an inspiration to change the seemingly unchangeable.

We all have different views as to what will make us happy, a good job, a big family, a nice house, or travelling the world… We are all similar in the sense that we all long for happiness and all at times go through seasons of wondering why we are not happy and struggle to figure out what we can do to get to that point.

Realizing that we all have something special that not everyone has is such a powerful realization. We all have the ability to turn on a light in a dark room, be the inspiration that another person needs to go on. We all have gone through battles of war, whether it is the war of love or the war of family burdens, the war of losing a loved one or the war of feeling completely lost in this crazy and hectic world. The wars are endless, but so are the impacts that we can make during the wars.

So often I am inspired by those I meet, or those I hear. The voices that are out there to inspire, to share the stories of strength and the stories of survival, those who have overcome more than I, and those that have seen wars that I cannot imagine. The stories that inspire me to not take for granted the times of peace that surround us. There are hero’s that are no different than you or I, they just have a different story and their struggles are neither worse nor harder, they are just different. For we all are who we are, because we all have been on different paths that are completely unique to each and every one of us.

It is my hope that it will be clear to each of us what it is that we are supposed to leave behind. Our legacy that can be anything we make it to be, as long as it reflects our hearts. I long for my heart to be mirrored through my actions, my tongue to be impeccable with my word, and my life to be a reflection of growth and change while I listen to the stories that people share of wars that have been won and wars that still need to be conquered.

Who are we to judge..

I was thinking today about how I use the words ‘what I know to be true’. What does that even mean… for what I know to be true can be completely different than what you know to be true, so how is anything really truth? My perception of truth is biased to what I have seen and felt, and what you know to be true is biased to what you have seen and felt … So who is right?

Maybe the answer is we both are right.



In our life we move forward quickly. We take steps in different directions, see things and try them out. Depending on where we end up, which path we take, we see various ways of living and thinking. We encounter different people with completely different outlooks on life, and hopefully decide for ourselves if we agree with them or if we should take our own stance. We take it all in and use our own character to make our own opinions as to what is right and what is wrong in this world. With this, my hope is that we remember that these opinions we create for ourselves are just that. Our own ideas on life and truth and we will not be quick to judge another for having a different view on their own life…



Who are we to judge anyone? It always hits me when I hear people talking about another person. Who are we to judge anything about any one when we have never walked in their shoes? How is it feasible to believe that we can make assumptions of what is true for another? What we think is just that, our completely unique opinions based solely on our distinct path and situations that we have seen. Maybe we are better off remembering to be impeccable with our own word, remembering what it is like to be judged.



Thinking about all this today, I came away with this… Since I believe that what I know to be true in this world is based solely on where I have been, situations I have encountered, and who I meet along the way, all I can do is continue to do just that. I will do all I can to go places I have never been… for how can I speak to something if I have never seen it. I will put myself in situations that I never thought about trying, just to experience more of all that is out there. I will introduce myself to people; listen to their stories and their hearts, because they might know truth that I have yet to see or be able to open my heart to things I never knew people have gone through.



Lastly I will try to speak less, use silence as an answer. Speak less on things I know nothing about. Making a note to later find out all there is to know on the subject. There is a whole world that is waiting to be explored. Vast subjects that I know nothing about, waiting to be researched and pondered… Opening our hearts to new ideas will keep us from falling into the trap of judging without knowledge or forethought.

You are Perfect to Me

You are perfect to me. How lucky are we if in our lives we find another human being that looks at you with those words in their heart? There is something to be said about that feeling of comfort. When the one you love looks at you with eyes that mirror your own adoration, a complete feeling of gratitude hits you with a wave of emotion.

Growing up I have had my own turn at love. Love gained and love lost. I have seen other pairs with hearts that are the same and others who seem to suffer with the one they are with, for that is all they know to be true.

So when that is true and all you know to be true seems to be unknowingly, or sometimes quite knowingly, wounding your soul, how do you open your eyes and see that there is more out there. Do you listen to your girlfriends ( or man friends) while keeping in mind the ability to read between the lines is key… for we all know how hard it is to tell a friend that the one they are with is not worthy of their time or affections. Do we listen to mom or dad… secretly wondering if they are just biased because you are their baby…Or do you listen to your heart. Stay silent and listen. If that is your choice, I hope you ponder this before your time of reflection, contemplating life’s ever evolving lessons you will find on love…



The person you are with should be able to make you smile just by hearing the sound of their name. They should call you baby or sweetheart with so much affection it seems that this is the only name they know you by. They should look at you when you are unaware and feel surrendered to gratitude that you love them back. They should tell you that you are best thing that has ever happened to them, and you should feel the same. They should search the room at a party, only to lock eyes and make you feel like you are the only person in the room. When they are away they should call you before bed, just to tell you that it is hard to sleep without you by their side. .. most importantly when you are together, no matter if it is daily or monthly, every moment should feel like a moment that you are blessed with. More time that you were given in this crazy life to love each other unconditionally.



So it is. Love and life, choices and sacrifices. Who in the end is worthy of spending our time with. I heard those words today “you are perfect to me” and was reminded how lucky I am to truly feel that the person I am with looks at me with those words in his heart. I think that we all deserve that and more. I know that I could have used many, many gentle reminders of this in my life… so here is one for you. You are perfect to someone and it is in that moment of finding them that you will realize that they are completely perfect to you as well.

Pretty Girls

Baby girls your whole life is ahead of you… As you grow remember this…

Remember to love with all you have, let your eyes and your smile radiate that love for everyone to see

Remember that the world is full of life! Full of open roads that are waiting for you to travel down



Know that you can do it all; you can do anything you believe you can and please believe you are stronger than you even know

Remember to use every talent you are given, and to do something creative everyday



Believe in yourself; believe that you are the person that can change the world, and do everything you can to do so

Remember to sing, dance, praise, and love; let your spirit free



Remember to take a deep breath, the road can get bumpy but it is your road and you are the driver

Run full force ahead, only stopping to take it all in and to take the time to see the beautiful road you have already travelled down

Most of all remember that you are unique and one of a kind, your thoughts and loves and views are waiting to be heard



As you continue on you will grow and learn, you will cry countless tears and laugh a thousand laughs… this is your life, your journey, and your time to shine! So remember to smile through your tears, embrace the ups and downs that you will face and rest assured that you are loved more than you know.

Cambodia.. "The comeback kid of SE Asia"

I wrote this during my time in Cambodia.. All the remarkable photographs were taken by Mr. Curtis Joyce... His pictures can tell a thousand words.




I saw a man wearing a shirt today, it read “War is costly, peace is priceless”. Those words spoke an indefinable truth to me today as I was walking through Siem Reap, Cambodia. This country, these people, all they have overcome, inspiring me to tell part of their story. Seeing their quiet demeanor with their gentle humor makes me have a constant smile on my face, and as I walk I notice so does everyone else.

They call Cambodia “The comeback kid of SE Asia” and after my first few days of visiting this awesome country my hope is this prophecy is correct. Cambodia when you look around seems to be alive in every way. The people are happy and lively, they have a sparkle in their eye and always a joke to make you laugh. The landscape is beautiful and the awe inspiring Angkor Wat draws thousands and thousands of eager tourists to Siem Reap, the quaint city that surrounds this unique and powerful wonders.



The powerful sights of Angkor Wat



Since the 1970s Cambodia has endured heartache after heartache through genocide, war, landmines, and the hands of individuals plagued with the wrong idea of what is right and what is so obviously wrong, the Khmer Rouge. To this day Cambodia is still dealing with landmines that are yet to be exploded and over 40,000 Cambodians have suffered amputations as a result of landmines. At the rate of cleanup for these landmines it is said it will take 100 years to rid this country of the landmines that are still in existence.



Photos taken at the Landmine museum in Siem Reap



As so many countries have seen in the past, the many years of war and killing haunt the now peaceful land. You can sense a quiet shadow as if the land and the people are in waiting, waiting for it to start a new. Holding their breath and slowly releasing while looking around to see if the peace is still here, and for now it seems it is.

Being here, seeing the land and seeing the beautiful faces, you can’t help but cry out with remorse over wrongs done to them. Cry out with pain when you see children with no parents, and cry out with anguish when you see the land mine victims still overcoming, continuing on with a gentle grace. There is hope here and it is growing daily. Hope that harmony will be a constant and lives will be rebuilt. Hope that they will always remember “war is costly, peace is priceless”.


A group of landmine victims playing music and raising money

Angkor Wat and Siem Reap are slowly taking advantage of its newfound status as “Asia’s historic hot spot”. This of course drawing more and more backpackers and travelers from all over the world, we included. Our time here is almost indescribable. We watched the sunrise over Angkor Wat, and watched it set from the top of the temple Pre up in Angkor Wat.


Sunrise over Angkor Wat on Curt's Birthday


Watching the sunset on top of the temple Pre Up

We visited a land mine museum, became educated on the calamity of landmines. We walked the markets of Siem Reap and bought beautiful scarves. We rode our bikes mile after mile in the glowing sun to see the amazing sights of Angkor and all the temples with their intricate carvings and large scale depictions of story lines being played out. We fell in love with the people through conversations had and hearts being shared.



Massive tree roots engulfing many of the structures in Ta Prohm.. amazing.



I now have a small piece of Cambodia etched into my memories and my heart. I will forever remember our time here and the impression it made on me. Looking forward I believe they will continue to build up and rise from the grief of the past. They will have the strength of overcoming the wreckage with them as they pull forward and continue on to the next chapter. Cambodia “The comeback kid of SE Asia”.


Bike Riding.. taking in all the massive sights


Enjoying our short period of quiet time in Angkor Wat, early morning before all the tourists show up

Colorful Beautiful People

This was the first blog I wrote, seems like ages ago... I felt it deserved to be revisited and revised... Both of these people and these places hold a special place in my heart so I wanted to share this once again...

One thing I have learned over this last year, or one could say my whole life yet didn’t appreciate until this year, is that we are a crazy collection of amazing, diverse, in-depth, at certain times narrow minded, beat down, and far too often a sold out group of colorful and beautiful people.

As I watch a person that I just meet, I can look in their eyes and see what drives them and inspires them, and ultimately what makes them tick. The intriguing way one person can be inspired by an activity, an organization, or even a job and another person the complete opposite, is a reflection of so much… childhood, experiences, circumstance, and a life which is alive and changing from one day to the next.

I will paint a picture of two recent encounters with two very different lives that has reminded me of embracing it all and learning and growing as you continue on in life’s curvy road. We are all so similar yet completely different…

I have met a person whose true love is being on the river. From the beginning the water captivates him, the stillness acting as almost a sanctuary, the waters ability to bring calmness to the soul and gives him time to reflect on life. Then to the unbelievable rapids and waterfalls that take his breath away and without even knowing give him a courage that drives his spirit in life and an aliveness that radiates from him, through his eyes and his smile that I admire, and I'm sure many people yearn for in life. To be truly driven by an activity turns it into being so much more. The river is perpetually moving onward and so will his life, taking him to amazing places and revealing to him his life’s purpose, through rivers and mountains and the beautiful people he meets along the way. The river becoming his powerful steadiness in an ever-changing life of tents and wilderness.



I then watch a person whose life started in New York, a city boy and business man at heart. A man who's personality is alive and electric. Someone who makes you smile by his exuberant quality without even meaning to. This is apparent in the way he moves in the business world and his social circle. Highlighting his duel ability to use not only his book smarts to his advantage, but also his natural ability to ease people’s tensions and make them feel comfortable, this makes him not only a true business man but also a true people person at heart. This is then backed by his intuitive ability to work a room at a party with a hot side kick on his arm. His inquisitive personality proves that he longs to learn more along the way, and open his heart and mind to new ideas and see the world in its ever-changing times. The way he asks me questions about life, circumstance, facts, and dreams motivates my mind and heart to do the same.



I embrace the thought of so many different and amazing people in a world that is vast and changing yet smaller than we know. A world that is completely open to us. To go from bluegrass in the woods, drinking wine from the bottle, under the endless skies and watching the stars. Lying on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere yet feeling completely in the center of everything. Then take me to the city, the sparkling lights and vibrant people, an aliveness that is intoxicating and can take your breath away. Drinking champagne on a yacht, singing to our favorite songs and laughing over moments shared. Amazing people, amazing conversations, and a view of Seattle in the distance, reminds me that life is short yet we have so much to offer during our stay.



As we learn from life and experience, we grow to know ourselves more and more. The colorful and beautiful people I am meeting along the way will continue to inspire me as these two did. These two men that are completely different, driven by completely different things, yet have the same sparkle in their eyes. I am ready to embrace the changes of life, to fall in love with eagerness and an excitement in my soul, in every setting from the river to the city. Continue to let my heart grow from the places that are ever so slowly being etched into its beatings.

What I know to be true... take three

What I know to be true in the truest way I know how to believe…. Take 3…the ever changing relationships…

I believe in respecting your mate as much as you love them, I believe that if you let your unfaltering respect for that person lead you, it will lead you when at times our humanity can get the best of us.

I believe in holding hands and taking walks together, even when you have been together forever. I can only hope to have my love by my side when I am old and grey and see our hands intertwined.

I believe that couples that pray together stay together (thank you Grandpa).

I believe in the power of words… you simply cannot take back words that hurt. You can never take back what was said in anger. You can apologize but the wound is already set, and that person who is standing in front of you should be the last person you want to have a wound that was inflicted by you.

I believe in having time to myself, time to process my life and thoughts, my loves and hopes and dreams… then right back in his arms I shall go.

I believe in calling each other baby and sweetheart, or anything that is completely corny and makes you blush to say it in public… I think pet names keep you reminded that this person knows you better than anyone else in this world.

I believe in finding the person who makes you feel beautiful even at your worse, who every day tells you that you are the best and reminds you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to them. And for my single lady’s I believe in holding out until you have just that…

I believe in being faithful. I believe that once you break trust, the respect is gone and if the respect is gone then what is the point... A harsh reality for many.

I believe in communication, that word that sounds like the “easy-psycho analyzes” of how to make a relationship work, but I truly believe this is the key to healthy relationships. I believe that when your person looks into your eyes, this person that knows your heart, they will desire to know how you feel and what you think and everything in between. So talk away, talk until you fall asleep in their arms for when you wake up in those arms you will know that you are exactly where you should be.

I believe that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your true love… (a gentle reminder for my single lady’s )…

I believe that you will have ups and downs on your amazingly long road together. I believe that this is ok and as long as at all times one person is ready to go to battle for the sake of the relationship your love will stay intact. As much as we don’t want it to happen our humanity causes us at times to have doubts and as long as the other person is ready to hold up their sword and fight for the love, the battle will be an easy victory.

All this said I believe in diving in head first… I believe in loving with all you have and not holding back. I believe that is how you will meet your true love… or get your heart broken, but I believe either outcome will be worth it knowing that you were all in, you loved fully and gave your whole heart.

Gorgeous Laos

Walking the dirt road, mile after mile to get to the villages

Sun is blazing, radiating off our skin

To my eyes we are so far from anywhere

To their eyes this is all they know to be true in this world.

These roads, these trees, the endless blue skies and my mind instinctively begins to wonder to what it is like for these people.



We enter the village, my skin so white and my eyes so light.

I am different.

My hair is different, my clothes are different, I speak differently, and they are curious.

We cannot communicate in the obvious ways; language a barrier

Only our eyes can speak.

The people come out of nowhere. Children of all ages; babies and toddlers, young adults and elders, their smiles so wide bearing signs of welcome and eagerness for us to join them.



As they pull out a bench, dust it for us to sit, I look around at their life, their village. A glimpse into their surroundings, how they live and what they do.
I see bamboo huts scattered around an open area, surrounded by forest. There are chickens, pigs, dogs, and sheep wandering about, sharing their life with the people of this village. The animal’s presence a quiet reminder that these people’s lives are basic at best and heartrending at the least. The women are squatting in a circle, hands busy shucking tamarinds, while the peanuts they already finished are drying on the tarp nearby.



I see babies carry babies, little girls with eyes that are timid and shy and little boys eager to play and show off their skills.Most have teeth, some are missing. Teeth are black, rotting or stained from the fruit of the local favorite, the beetle nut.



They smile and giggle at our attempts to communicate.

Their eyes light up as we give them the toys. The boys forming a circle to kick the ball, the girls lined up to color and draw with their new crayons… hesitant with this foreign object, watching with trepidation as I offer them a crayon.



As we leave, say our attempted goodbyes, my mind begins to ponder what is next for the colorful and beautiful people of these villages. These villages that have been there for longer than I know, doing the same thing they are doing now. They will continue on for this is all they know to be true. As we walk the dirt road, the miles it takes to get back to what is “town”, we can’t help but ponder this question….

Is this how it will be for them forever?



Creating the discussion and apparent debate…if they do continue on like this, take no heed from globalization and keep their culture as they know it to be true, is that wrong

Or

Is it actually wrong for me to inflict my biased opinion on what I believe to be true for how one should live?

After our talks and debates over our views on culture and human activity, I came away with this…walking away those days we spent in the villages, I couldn’t help but let my heart feel the sadness it was heavy with, sadness for the lack of health care and education, sadness for the lack of choices and the lack of knowledge that there are indeed choices.



But who am I to say how they live is neither right nor wrong, all I can do is hope for them. Hope that they find love and peace, happiness and joy, as is the hope for us all in this wild life. I am thankful to once again be able to see life is much different then I know to be true. Our reality of starbucks on every corner and shopping trips to Walmarts or Nordstroms is not real. Or maybe it is as real to us as the dirt roads are to the people of these villages. Making us exactly the same as them. Fulfillment will be found within ourselves and not within the walls of any mall or in any village that is on the banks of breathtaking waterfalls



Laos, you intrigued me from the beginning and prove to be one the most gorgeous places I have seen to date... You succeeded to teach me even more about how others live in this complex world, and provided a dazzling backdrop to my discoveries… Thank you

Finding Truth

Contentment

Don’t we all long for this status in our life? Strive to reach that state of pleasure that seems to be unknown to many, without realization that we are even striving for anything at all. Once we have it, encompass what we wanted in the first place, being able to recognize and appreciate this possession is what it means to truly be content.

The feeling of wanting something more seems to ring true so often, so as to our untrained and simple minds, this feeling becomes normal. This normalcy will have us thinking of what if there is something I am missing or what if there is more I haven’t done or seen. Longing can relate to everyday thoughts as well… if I was just able to get off work a little earlier then I would have more time, or if I buy that shirt I saw the other day then I would look nicer at work, I don’t have anything to wear…



These thoughts beginning to overtake the actual moments you are in. These thoughts without knowledge or foresight are taking away from the gratification and happiness you should be getting out of the time you are already in the middle of. The time that is given to you, the time you may have once hoped for or wanted for a reason, is happening right now. For you are right in the middle of your road.

I know that this is normal; this is our humanity at its finest. We all at times will long for something else, hope for something that is not being given to us. We will not understand that it is simply not meant for us at this time, keeping us from being content in what is meant for us at this time. We cannot wish daily for something that is not being given to us and be truly content with what we have. If we do this then our life plays out and we forget to cherish these moments that we are in. These moments that are more precious than the fictional account of an unhealthy daydream that our mind entangles into what we think we want.



The knowledge that we are all in this together, makes it seem a little easier to handle. Helps me, and hopefully you, to ponder the subject and be less hard on myself. Seeing that we all at times will hunger for what we think we want, may make it easier to swallow yet makes me that much more inclined to want to break out of the cycle. Realizing this and truly accepting this seems to counter each other, as if a war is being played out between my heart and my mind. The heart settling into a cozy comfort, feeling full with what has been given to me so graciously already. Then with this warm and content state the mind seems to sense that word contentment and starts to think of places I am yet to see and things I am still longing to do.



Our hearts and our minds are created to think about loves and hopes and dreams, I do not believe this to be wrong. To love with all your heart and to hope for peace and harmony are feelings that we were also given. To want good in this world, to fight for what you believe in and hold true to your beliefs, this will help you to know that you did not falter from truth. You can look at the moments that you are in and the road that you took with gratitude even if you are having a moment of nostalgia. If we listen and be silent, trust that our life is exactly where it should be, then contentment will follow. Once we can grasp this, once we are content always even when life is at its hardest, then that will be true happiness.


Philippians 4:11, Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

When I returned home from church today... this is the thought that stuck with me... When I put my trust in him, God puts my heart at ease..



(Pictures from our time in beautiful Laos... villages we visited, meeting amazing children and getting the opportunity to share with them)