Ideas on life

As I sit here at a cozy coffee shop in Downtown Hood River, I smile to myself… I look around at the quaint cafe, hippy in feel and cozy comfy with an easy manner about itself. My hands are warmed by my lovely coffee mug, my lap top open and my mind is beginning to romanticize this ever-changing life. I listen to the guy sit down next to me, as he is talking with his friend he shares “ I feel a little out of place here in my suit”.. Ah I love it. Hood River you have stolen my heart.

I am looking around at my new home. The area as you drive into the Colombia River Gorge is beautiful. The open endless air surrounding you is filled with breathtaking views of Mount Hood and The endless waters of the Gorge. You cannot help but stop and gaze at its wonder and smile to yourself. These views had to have been made just for us, a reminder to take it all in along this journey and appreciate the untouched astonishing sights of our God.

As I walked the streets of this inviting town today, I felt at peace. I felt like I was where I was supposed to be and that to me meant so much at this point in my life. I walked around, peeking into the shops and restaurants that lined the avenues, and pictured if that is where I would like to work. I wondered if this place or that place is where I would want to give my energy and time to for the next mini chapter of my life. I spoke with new people, all I am finding to be friendly and welcoming. As I move into tomorrow, packing up my house and downsizing my life, I do so with a peaceful content in delight for the open unknown world. With many resumes now circulating Hood River, and a few interviews under my belt, I feel yet again that I am where I am supposed to be.



If the unknown means embracing the ups and downs and feeling content in both times then that is what I will hold onto. I will know that when I am feeling uncertain and alone, that is when I should rejoice in the fact that I am not alone. My God is so clearly leading me up hills and down mountains and changing my perceptions daily. The loneliness is our humanity and can make you in an instant search your mind, your memories, of the things that make you long for another time, when things made a little more sense. You can hold onto a person or an idea of another path you didn’t take which will only drive you crazy and make you disappoint in the life you are leading now. Move on, move forward, and rejoice in who you are now in this instant. Even if it is different than what you would have pictured, that just means you are following your heart. The Avett brothers say it well when they say “I wanna have friends that I can trust, that love me for the man I’ve become not the man I was” How important is it that we are true to ourselves, and have people in our life that will support you in your ever changing views, aspirations, and ideas on life.

Follow your heart

I was thinking today, thinking about our life, our minute we are here. It is our time to take it all in and see what we think. Our world according to where we have been and what we have seen along the way. Each owns perception of what is real and true, if only to us. I am finding we all believe our views are the right ones depending on our life’s course being played out. I had quite the day today… I am quitting my job… Following my heart, and stepping out in faith which sounds amazing and brave but when reality sets in and you are peering over the edge of uncertainty, you can’t help but think… wow, really?

As I was talking with my amazing brother tonight, I shared with him that as my life is changing, moving in a different direction than I would have thought, I can’t help but think that as I make my decisions, as much as I feel I am where I am supposed to be, I still struggle with not wanting to let people down. At work I don’t want to make things harder for others, and I have tried to avoid people being displeased with me. He listened. Then he said this, which I am finding to be oh so true. “You’re not letting anyone down Melissa; you are following your heart and being true to yourself, which is more important than what anyone thinks about you or your decisions.”

I thought about the words he spoke during our conversation, a statement that is simple yet complicated. How many times in our life have we altered what we would have done, gone a different route because we didn’t want to let someone down, or we thought we owed someone or some company our time and energy. I am finally seeing that our time here is more precious than any paycheck or title. Our journeys have been laid out for us, we all have talents to use up and lives that are alive with possibilities trimmed with opportunities that open up every minute. My hope moving into another chapter is that I will remember daily that our time here and differences we can make in that time, is far more important than having a high paying job or a title that we want to help prove our worth.

As short as our time is here, it can be longer and fuller than what we have now. We spend countless moments of our day, our time and energy on things that don’t matter. What would it be like if we spent that time making a difference, helping someone who needs it, changing someone’s life? Even more so than setting out to change the world, if we even just spent less time talking about another person, tearing them down and pointing out their faults and more time looking at our souls that need nourishment from our God and our bodies that need sunshine and food grown from our Earth. If we turn off our TV’s, move into the country, and maybe eat a lot of peaches as John Prine puts it oh so well… (That was for you baby) then life may seem just a little less complicated, weighed down with idle talk and silly worries.

If we are conscious of this, make an active effort to remember to steer clear of buying into what society says to be true, then things just might make a little more sense. Our minds could be a little less clouded with a skewed perception of a fake world that is lined with malls and starbucks. It is usually blatantly obvious and embarrassingly absurd how much of our energy is spent on frivolous matters. Our energies a bit less focused on gossip or negative blather will help our souls to feed on all the optimistic hope we can have in what we all are here for and what we can gain during our journey.

I am thankful today as I sit here snuggled into my couch, thankful to be moving forward. As I am also hesitant of the unknown, I am going to be content in the moment of now and thankful for the thoughts of today.

Promises

2010 you have only just begun, and I am already intrigued with you… From the first day of this year, which just so happened to have been my birthday, I have been surrounded with amazing, diverse, colorful and beautiful people. I wouldn’t have chosen to spend my birthday this year with anyone else besides the people I did, I felt loved and adored and so 2010 began.

Funny in life, as the days and years go on, you live and learn, grow and change every year. I feel you begin to think that not much will surprise you, but secretly knowing that something eventually will. You see things that break your heart, feel things of the same. You build your heart back stronger the next time around, build a fortress of steel, of protection for the next round. You also see more and more apparently that love is all around us. From embraces of love you see on the street, to acts of kindness that make you sigh with content and smile to yourself believing that love actually is all around us.

As I sit here on my back porch, basking in the sunshine of Washington, my journal blew open with the wind. This is the page it opened to “God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tempted beyond your power to remain firm; at the same time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out.” 1st Corinthians 10

These words are all we need when I think about it. Our tests in our life will be here, at times slightly hidden and other times beyond apparent. But with these words he has given us is a promise that we are stronger than we know. Our tests are personal, as unique as we are. We are all completely different because of where we have been, and what we have seen along the way. Our tests change from day to day… What I am finding through this life and tests is this… most often the thought of something is far worse than the actual test. Our humanity sets in as we worry and become anxious of what will come, how we will fix the messes we get ourselves into. We lose sleep, wake up early only to lay there with an uneasiness of what’s next, what should I do… The thoughts are worse than the reality. This piece I wrote months ago comes to mind… a few words on the calm before the storm.



I now know what the calm feels like before a storm
Or the night feels like before a war

I feel helpless and quiet
Trying to grasp onto something to stand firm

I want to remember what it feels like right now
The warmth and the peace that the heart feels
And wants to hold onto

But the night is coming and the waves are beginning to crash
The weapons being drawn and the heart is retracing its steps

It is not as loud as you thought or as big as you imagined
As it begins to hurt, you begin to wonder if it will be too much

You close your eyes and a silence, a peace comes over you
It is now you realize God is there

He was there during the beginning, the planning and building of your wall
He is there and he is carrying you

He will not let you down to walk during this time
He is your rock and fortress during this war and the enemy has no weapons
Or words that can hold up to his greatness

It is then you realize the war is over
You have made it through and can see the light
The planning was worse than the war.

The road taken

The road of life lead me to you… Through this crazy life I am in awe of the times that take my breath away. I am completely thankful and amazed at moments of my life that sweep me off my feet, make my heart race and leave me in a whirlwind of emotions and new passions. We all have these times, the times that leave you needing a second or maybe even countless days to catch your breath. I am intrigued by life, the new loves and people that come into our lives and the paths that intertwine and create a beautiful road we get to walk down. I am in awe of this past week, it took my breath away.

Last week I was able to fly across our gorgeous country to in turn drive back through the states, take it all in and enjoy the scenic views and charming landscapes. This country is full of lush land, countless picturesque scenes, and thousands of roads that all intertwine as you look at the map and decide which route to take. As I think of the map we used to decipher the territory, where we should go and which route to take, I smile thinking that in life there are oh so many ways to go.. How do you know which way will be the “easiest” way, and is the easiest way the way you would choose to go? This past week the path we took was exactly where we needed to be.




As I arrived in Virginia, bright eyed and eager to start my new adventure, I got off the plane and walked with anticipation for a week of discovery of this land and a week of sharing and listening. As I walked through the air port, ready to meet my boy, I remembered to feel gratitude for yet another adventure of life and love. I found myself again not knowing why exactly I was supposed to be there, but feeling that at this moment of my life, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. This feeling was reaffirmed when I opened the doors to baggage claim; saw him standing there and felt my eyes give away another bit of my heart.



We started our day off to church, giving thanks to the God that is leading me down this crazy life and through this journey of life and love and travels. The day was Easter Sunday and it was perfect. I was with amazing people, meeting family and thankful for every minute of it. Curt drove me into D.C and beyond to see the historic sites and the amazing waterfall. I could recount pages of our time together as we embarked on our journey across the states. The times we laughed with each other, being completely silly and enjoying the time we had to laugh at each other’s jokes and embrace the newness. The times we shared our life where we have been and what we have seen through this crazy life and crazy world. The serious times, the times of quiet and contemplation, the times of healing that made us bite our lips in concentration and figure out what to say. Finding the perfect words we wanted and needed to express our thoughts and that wouldn’t take away from our hearts or our meanings.



We saw friends and family along the way, taking the time to enjoy them stopping in Colorado and taking it all in. Our little truck became our home for the week, camping, sleeping and looking at the stars… Our journey became an adventure of country side and also an exploration of our life. In the end we made it back to Washington, safe and sound with both of our hearts a bit changed. That, I am finding, is the key in this ever changing life. As we get on this road of life, the changing paths and windy roads will lead us up hills and down mountains in no time. For me, as I set out on adventures, the outcome could be good or bad yet completely worth it if our hearts are a bit changed and we are able to see life a little different because of it.



Curt and I rocked our road trip. We saw beautiful land and gorgeous sites, we shared and listened to each other’s hearts… these moments are forever etched into my heart, safe and sound and completely content. As I sit in my living room, look at the pictures of our trip that were a surprise to me from my boy, taped all over my house with words of love to go along... I smile. I am thankful Gods path and road is greater than our own. I am thankful that he knows exactly where we are supposed to be and the exact course that we are supposed to take to get there. It may be a bumpy ride, but with a perfect ending.

Enamored

I was first introduced to a word a few months ago. Although I am sure I have heard that word many times in my life, I don’t feel I have ever fully appreciated nor related to the meaning of it until then. Since then I have gone back to the word many times for many reasons. I have fallen in love with the meaning of the word and the gravity of weight of the word. The word I am speaking of is enamored. Ah enamored. With all its heaviness and all its significance wrapped up together. The dictionary has multiple definitions “filled with an intense or excessive love for” and “marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness”. To me the word describes all you want to say without having to say anything at all. As I was packing today…story of my life, the song “when you say nothing at all” came on. You say it best when you say nothing at all. I love that. I love the thought that there are times that words need not be spoken…especially the ones that are full of gravity and consequence. I then remembered this word and it all made sense to me. To say I am enamored by you. That is all you need. Nothing else can fully explain or clarify what it is you want to describe.

I believe so many times in our life, circumstances arise and life just happens. These are the times that we with all our humanity want to give details and explanations, put into words what we felt or are feeling. We hope to make clear the reasons of our decisions or justify our hearts. I love that at times all you need is silence. All you need is to find words such as enamored, simple and clear.

Although we all know that life is neither simple nor straight forward. Our hearts are demanding and therefore keep our minds from keeping our words simple and uncomplicated. I am enamored by so many things in this world at this moment of my life. I am enamored by my friends, my amazing, beautiful, smart, nonjudgmental and always supportive friends. I am enamored by the world that is so open to us and completely breathtaking and captivating. I am enamored by my boy. I enamored with my life, the ups and downs and curvy road I am on. My hope is that I can remember during the journey to take a minute to catch my breath and think of all the things that I am enamored with at any given moment.